How Couples Can Plan a Holiday They’ll Both Love
It’s summer, and many of the couples I work with are going away. It’s a time to reconnect, a break from the demands of everyday life. Yet holidays can also become a source of tension when expectations, preferences, and needs are not openly discussed beforehand. Whether you’re planning a weekend retreat or a long-awaited overseas adventure, taking time to plan together can help ensure that both partners feel seen, valued, and included.
Before discussing budgets, flights, or itineraries, spend time talking about what each of you hopes to gain from the trip. Some simple questions such as: What would make this holiday feel best for you? What are you hoping to experience? Do you want adventure, rest, culture, romance, or exploration? How much structure or spontaneity feels comfortable?
Often couples discover they are seeking very different things. One partner may be craving complete relaxation while the other is looking for stimulation and activity. Neither is wrong; they simply need to be acknowledged and worked with.
Listen to your partner: When they say “I want to lie by a pool all day,” they may really be saying, “I am exhausted and need to recover.” Ask questions, be curious as to what lies beneath their statement. If your partner says, “I want to see everything,” they may be expressing a need for excitement, curiosity, and making the most of precious time away. By really listening and not getting stuck in purely your own needs, a couple can figure out how to get some of what you both want.
A more mindful way of planning involves asking: “What matters most to you?”, “What matters the most to me?” and “How can we include both?” The goal is not compromise in which both people lose something; it is to help you work together and keep connected in the process.
Many holiday disagreements arise from assumptions that were never spoken aloud. Discuss practical issues beforehand and make sure the balance of planning is equally distributed. Talk openly about your budget and spending, accommodation preferences, travel pace, food and dining expectations, sleep routines, time together versus individual time apart, and finally, work and phone contact. What feels obvious to one partner may not be as obvious to the other.
No holiday is perfect; flights are delayed, weather can disappoint, couples get tired. Expectations are sometimes unmet. Couples who navigate travel well are not those who avoid problems entirely. They are the couples who approach challenges as a team rather than turning against one another. Instead of asking, “Who is to blame?” ask, “How can we handle this together?”
Planning a trip together offers couples an opportunity to practise skills that strengthen relationships: listening, negotiating, respecting differences, and working collaboratively. The most successful holidays are rarely those where everything goes perfectly. They are the ones where both partners feel heard, considered, and valued. Most importantly, couples find the space to reconnect to feelings of connection and intimacy with one another, finding one another in ways they can’t in every day life.
Shirlee Kay
Sutherland Place W2 One Welbeck Clinic W1.
www.shirleekay.co.uk